Sports Stuff Hub

Everything you wanted to know about the 2016 NFL season but were afraid to ask

 

Welcome to the Sports Stuff Hub 2016 NFL Preview! We preview everything, so strap in, and read on to find out everything that happens, because these are 100% accurate. You won’t even have to watch the games.

 

How does your team fare?

 

OK, so I lied up there- this may not, come February, be exactly how things shake out. In fact, these are very unscientific, but every time I do it, they come out pretty close. I look at the entire schedule and categorize each game one of three ways- should win, should lose, or push. For example, New England should beat Cleveland. Cleveland v Jacksonville may be a little harder to call, so it’s a push. Add up all they should win and should lose, and split the difference of the pushes, and it’s a pretty good idea of where a team will end up.

 

This works well because it is just should- upsets happen, obviously, but we’re not concerned with each game, just win-loss records, so it usually balances out. So now that you know what to yell at me about, here’s how it looks:

 

NFC North:

Green Bay: 13-3, NFC 2 seed

Chicago: 11-5, NFC 6 seed

Detroit: 11-5

Minnesota: 9-7

 

This division looks a lot different without Bridgewater on IR. However, it opens the door for a resurgent Chicago to snag a Wild Card and Green Bay to have a fantastic season. Detroit does what Detroit does, and has a good regular season that just isn’t good enough.

 

NFC South:

Carolina: 13-3, NFC 3 seed

Tampa Bay: 6-10

Atlanta: 5-11

New Orleans: 4-12

 

Carolina regresses a lot- they outperformed themselves last year- but still run over a weak division. More on a Tampa and New Orleans later, though.

 

NFC East:

Dallas: 7-9, NFC 4 seed

Philadelphia: 4-12

New York Giants: 4-12

Washington: 3-13

 

Why does this division exist? That’s an honest question. Dak Prescott does OK for Dallas and they ‘win’. Whatever.

 

NFC West:

Arizona: 14-2, NFC 1 Seed

Seattle: 13-3, NFC 5 seed, Super Bowl Champion

LA Rams: 5-11

San Francisco: 3-13

 

After the NFC East, we’re back to professional football. Arizona blasts through the regular season* (*if Carson Palmer stays alive), but Seattle overtakes them and wins the Super Bowl from the Wild Card spot. LA and SF are dumpster fires.

 

AFC North:

Cincinnati: 13-3, AFC 2 seed

Pittsburgh: 12-4, AFC 5 seed, AFC Champion

Baltimore: 9-7

Cleveland: 3-13

 

Cincinnati tears up the AFC, then the immutable laws of the universe are enforced, namely “Cincinnati cannot win a playoff game”, and Pittsburgh meets Seattle in a Wild Card Super Bowl, and loses, because I am writing this and you can eat it, Ryan, I don’t care if it IS your site.

 

AFC South:

Indianapolis: 7-9, AFC 4 Seed

Houston: 6-10

Jacksonville: 5-11

Tennessee: 4-12

 

This division should be consigned to the same fate as the NFC East. Indy wins, because someone has to get blown out in the first round. Any one of these teams might suck slightly less than the other three and get to 8-8, but I don’t care and neither do you.

 

AFC East:

New England: 13-3, AFC 1 seed

Miami: 8-8

Buffalo: 6-10

New York Jets: 4-12

 

I hate New England more than anyone, but if it wasn’t for them, this division would have no personality whatsoever. Well, it still doesn’t, since Brady and Belichick have the personalities of a dishrag, which says it all, really.

 

AFC West:

Oakland: 13-3, AFC 3 seed

Kansas City: 12-4

Denver: 7-9

San Diego: 1-15, first overall pick in the draft

 

Everyone is high on Oakland, with good reason- talent in all three phases and a manageable schedule. Kansas City also puts together a solid season, while Denver doesn’t have the D it did last year and regresses to the middle of the pack.

 

Team(s) That I Have No Confidence in:

New Orleans: I don’t have any super great reasoning for this, aside from the fact that their defense is still terrible, all their dynamic offensive weapons are gone, and Drew Brees is aging, and his contract situation makes more news than his play. They are going off a cliff this year.

 

San Diego: *looks up roster* HUH. I honestly thought the offense was Phillip Rivers, Keenan Allen and River’s kids. Turns out they have actual football players. Not good ones, but they are there.

 

Any Team in the NFC East: They might not grab the first overall pick, but none of those teams are winning a playoff game. Or reaching double digit wins. Or fielding a watchable product.

 

San Francisco: [munches gleefully on popcorn]

 

Team(s) That Will Probably be better than I Expect:

Carolina: I mean, they did it last year. Why not?

 

Tennessee/Tampa Bay: Mariota and Winston might progress, and they take advantage of weak divisions. Why not.

 

Minnesota/Dallas/Cleveland: Maybe the backup/last minute acquisition QB thing works for one of these teams. Probably not, though. Definitely not for Cleveland.

 

Awards:

MVP: Antonio Brown. There isn’t another player as locked in as him. He’s football porn.

 

Coach of the Year: Pete Carroll. This is a tough call, as I think Arians is going to do a lot, but I also think Palmer will miss time and the wheels will come off at some point. Carroll has had a steady hand for years, and this year it gets him some hardware.

 

Offensive Player of the Year: Russell Wilson. This was Beast Mode’s team for so long, it’s time for Wilson to show what he can really do. Expect big things.

 

Defensive Player of the Year: Kahlil Mack. Beast of a DE, and with a lot of eyes on Oakland, he will show up in a big way. Part of me really would like this to go to Mathieu, but him coming back from injury makes me nervous.

 

Offensive Rookie of the Year: Ezekiel Elliot. Not a lot of contest here.

 

Defensive Rookie of the Year: Myles Jack. I love watching Jack play, and he’ll brush off injury concerns and be a beast.

 

Comeback Player: Jimmy Graham. Lost in a sluggish start and injury finish, was the pace he was on mid-season. Even if he doesn’t make it back week 1, he will blow defenses away and give Seattle’s offense another dimension.

 

 

There you have it! Everything you need to know about the 2016. Enjoy it, and be sure to come back to this post to see how wrong I was about everything.

 

Writer:

Dean E.S. Richard